I started my 100 week countdown when you were about 6 months old. I think I just started my PGY 3 year of residency. I had you in January of my PGY 2 year. I went back to work end of February. At that point, it seemed impossible as I still had another 3.5 years of residency and a year of fellowship. The light at the end of the tunnel was not visible in any way shape or form. When I went up 1 year in residency that July, just maybe there was a slight flicker of light. I thought at least that's another year down. I did the math and it seemed that there was approximately 100 weeks until then to when I took my boards, which is when your dad, your grandparents and I believed would be the most appropriate time for you to move down to San Diego. Well here we are now! In week 80! I can't friggen believe it!
It is now January 22nd of 2015. You are now 2 years old. I am now a PGY 4 and your dad is a PGY 6. We have both matched fellowships. I'll be staying at UCSD for a women's imaging fellowship and your daddy will be going to Yale come July of this year for his spine fellowship. I take boards June 11-12 of this year and you my little girl are moving down June 13th and starting pre-school in San Diego June 15th. By the time you're able to read this blog, I'm sure you'll already know how neurotic I am.
It's been such a crazy roller coaster. It still is. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I try to imagine how residency would have been like or how my marriage with your dad would have been like if I hadn't gotten pregnant so early on in training but simply put, I just can't.
The heartbreak, the tears and the incredibly amount of guilt I felt being away from you has ultimately defined who I am. I am a survivor. I am a mother. Nobody can take that away from me. There will be a day when I will stop practicing medicine but I will be your mother until the day I die. I will always put you first. I will alway sleep a little less. My mind will always be a little more complicated. But it is the most rewarding role I have ever been given and I feel so incredibly blessed to be your mom.
Back to my obsessive compulsive habits. One of things that have helped me with the process of being away from you has been setting up your room. It was so hard having to take down your nursery when I first came back from maternity leave. When you were about a year and a half, I realized I had a year left to anticipate your move so that is when I started redoing your room with the help of pottery barn! It has been so much fun!
You've been coming to San Diego on weekends. We take the train down and I get a glimpse of life with you here and it is wonderful. Although, I have yet to experience what it's like to have you here during the work week but I'm sure we'll figure that out and I'm sure it will be topic of a future blog.
In fact, our place has been completely taken over by your stuff now.
Here is your room! I'm still waiting on your bookshelf but other than that, it's done! You've slept in it on the weekends you've been here and it's with great joy I watch you sleep in your bed!
This is our living room! I made your dad clear out the coffee table and a couch so this can be your play room. It will be hard to compete with grandma and grandpa's place but just know that, I tried! Most important part is I, as in your mom, did it! I built the art table and the play house! (So much for having an orthropod as a dad huh? Just kidding babe, I love you!)
I just can't get over it. It's 2015! We celebrated your 2nd birthday. You started pre-school part time in Irvine. You've given grandma a lot of grief with the morning drop-offs but you've only gone for about 2 weeks now. However, it seems like you do well when you are there. I am so proud of you! But for grandma's sake, I hope you give her a little easier time in the mornings. I had to do it for a week when I was on vacation and it is very heartbreaking having to leave you at pre-school when you're crying on top of your lungs.
Right now, I'm trying to just focus on studying for boards and the next 20 weeks will be dedicated to making sure I pass these darn radiology boards! But after being in medicine for so long, which is an endless slew of exams, I have never been so motivated as I've never been presented with such a sweet reward at the end. I'm ready (or will be in about 20 weeks)! I'm going to do this. You're going to move down! and you and I are going to figure out what it's like to be in each other's lives every single day!
Despite all the happiness of what is to come, my heart is also a little heavy. Because 2015 isn't only about your arrival to San Diego but it's also about your dad's move to Yale. We'll have 1 month as a family of 3 before he has to leave end of July.
The reality of it didn't really set in when he matched last year but now that the reality of you moving down is becoming more real, the reality of your dad leaving is also becoming more real. He's my best friend. He's my rock. I think to myself if I'm going to survive a year without him by my side.
But you know what? I have you. You need me. We're going to make it. It's going to our special year of just the 2 of us. I'm going to make up to you the best I can for what I missed the first two and a half years. I know I still have my last year of residency and I'll still have call but it's going to be different. I'll be dropping you and picking you up from pre-school. I'll be making your dinner. I'll be reading your your bedtime story. I know it won't be all rainbows and butterflies but I'll take every day, even the day ones filled with temper tantrums and "no's" because I already know I'll feel so lucky that we made it to this point.
I hope you're ready because I've been waiting for this day since my first day back from maternity leave!
P.S. Here's some other photos since my last blog post in October.
We went in Seattle in October. Our first family trip!
We celebrated your 2nd Halloween and your first time treat or treating. You put us through 3 costumes. Fairy--didn't want to wear the wings. Pumpkin--it was too hot. You finally chose a devil ballerina costume--but didn't wear the horns so people had no idea who you were but you were still the cutest trick or treater!
We celebrated your 2nd Christmas!
Your 2nd birthday was a Frozen themed birthday party!
We went to the San Diego zoo multiple times but here's are some pictures from our most recent trip!
P.P.S You're also the coolest 2 year old I've ever met and I'm not just saying because I'm your mom!