You are now officially 1 years old! We celebrated your first birthday! I know you won't remember any of it but I will remember it for the both of us. It was a perfect day to celebrate both your birthday and my first year of motherhood. It was beautiful and you were the happiest baby! I want you to know I meant every single word I said in the slideshow that we showed you at the party and one day when you're older, I'll let you watch you again.
My vacation also ended so I'm back in San Diego doing the whole residency and missing you thing. Your dad is currently in Boston, Massachusetts for his fellowship interviews. Being alone (well, not completely alone since I have Po here) makes me realize even more just how lucky I am to not be alone in this world.
This entry is one that I wanted to write for awhile. As I get older, I am sure my outlook on life will change but I want to remember how I am as mom right now. In my daydreams, I always think of the future and your well-being. I think about how there is this huge responsibility now that I have brought this tiny little human into this world. You will ALWAYS be my biggest accomplishment and being your mom is the most rewarding role I have ever been blessed to have. Some of my thoughts go to what I hope to teach you and if I will be able to guide you in the right direction.
So here it is!
1. Travel the world! I can't stress this one enough. Do not be afraid to see the world. I will make sure you do. I am so lucky to have grandpa and grandma, despite not being the most well-off family during my childhood, show me the world. We had vacations every summer and at that time, I didn't really care for it but as I got older, it gave me the courage to explore the world on my own. I went to Spain in high school with my Spanish class, which showed me the world has so much to offer. Grandma took me on Korean tour to see all of Europe in 2 weeks in summer of 2005. It was awesome but it wasn't enough for me. I wanted to see more so summer of 2006, I went abroad to Cambridge, England. It was the one of the best summers of my life. Here is proof that your mom was once cool!
Cambridge University, Formal Hall
Tower Bridge in London, England
Eating snails in Paris
Trying gelato in Italy!
Platform 93/4 at King's station in London, England
Jumping photos in front of Versailles
Jumping photos in Madrid, Spain
From my white coat ceremony...
to getting married...
to graduating medical school and to now, supporting me through motherhood and residency. I can't wait to grow old with these two.
4. Nothing in life worth having is easy. Trust me, baby girl. I tell myself this every single day. This blog in itself is for me to show you that this life you will eventually have did NOT come easy. Your dad and I are working every single day and it means so much more because you are in the picture. We have every intention of giving everything you need but there will be rules and constant reminders of all the sacrifices that were made to get to this point. I will never forget because this future that I envision for you is the only thing that is getting me through this time.
5. Do not be afraid to be different or to stand out. This piece of advice is also something I have to tell myself on the daily. People never root for somebody else to succeed. Unfortunately, that's the harsh reality of the world and human nature. On the outside, I know I look like I have it all and on the inside, I can tell you personally that I know I have it all. But like I said before, it's not easy and a path like mine can be very lonely. Nobody really understands what I'm going through other than your dad. People that love me are sympathetic but I always say there's a difference between sympathy and empathy. But I've gotten to the point in my life where I have that self-worth I was talking about and I am very secure. I love my life. I love just how different it is from everybody else's. I fight everyday to keep it and I will never stop fighting to be different. Doctor. Mom. Resident. Wife. I say bring it.
6. Do not take anything for granted. Have you heard this one enough yet? I will keep this one short. Life is short. Make it meaningful. Be grateful. You are so blessed. You were brought into world with so much love surrounding you. You have all the resources you need at your finger tip. It's up to you how you want to use it.
7. Be respectful. I will try not to pull the "I am your mom so you have to do what I say" card too often. But I am your mom. So you have to respect me. I don't mean just me. Respect your elders especially your grandma. You won't remember this time in your life but she's the reason that you are getting raised in an environment full of love. She's the reason that mom and dad are able to finish residency without any distractions. Be respectful to everyone, including your enemies. There are times where people will do you wrong. But let it go. Be the bigger person. Everyone makes mistakes. I do it all the time. But I try to be respectful. I recognize when I'm wrong and move on. At the end, as long as you're conscience is clean that's all that matters.
8. Respect yourself. There are so many people in this world rooting for you. Don't disappoint them. We don't expect you to be a doctor or whatever. Right now, all I can ask you stay a healthy baby. As you get older, all I can ask is that you respect yourself. It all goes back to that clean conscience. Can you be proud of who you are and what you do at the end of the day? You won't be a baby forever as much as I like. I want you to grow up to be lady (as much as I'd like to keep you as my baby...).
9. Never settle. My dream is one day for you to meet your prince charming and for you to have your happily ever after. I can say with confidence that I am living mine in my marriage with your dad. I don't mean with just boys. Don't settle with settle with anything. I could have been a pharmacist. My life would be hell of a lot easier but when I do something, I do it all the way. I have this mentality and so does your dad so that's why we get along. I don't want you to do anything that doesn't make you happy but when you find something you really like, go for it. Do whatever it takes. As for your future prince charming, you'll know when you know. Trust me.
10. We are always here for you. I can't emphasize this one enough. You are so important to me and your dad. You are never ever alone. No matter what happens in any moment, our love for you will never ever cease. We are your biggest cheerleaders, advisors, and supporters. We live and breathe for you now. You are our world. You make us a family. We love you so much more than these words can say. Don't you ever forget that!
My hope is that when you're a teenager or maybe a college student in your early 20's and you yell at me at how uncool I am. I can show you this post. Hey, rude teenager or aloof college student, I wasn't that much older than when I wrote this entry so maybe you'll listen...
I love you so so so much.